One of the best ways to keep your marriage strong after becoming parents is to talk often about topics other than the kids. Use the following conversation starters for spouses to reconnect and rekindle your marriage.
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Do you remember when you first started dating your husband or wife, and you talked about everything under the sun? Your likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams, hobbies and interests… It probably even continued that way for quite a while after you got married.
And then you had kids. And suddenly, most of your conversations (when you had them) revolved around your children. Feeding schedules, daycare pick-ups, behavior issues, child rearing methods, funny quotes and anecdotes… At some point, you may have realized that’s pretty much all you ever talked about – even on dates!
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There’s certainly nothing wrong with talking about your kids. In fact, you have to! Parenting requires a ton of time, energy, and coordination. Not only are conversations about the kids logistically necessary, they’re vital for getting on the same page in your parenting.
But your marriage consists of more than just raising kids. Yes, that’s a (very) important part of it, but it’s not all it is. And the more you let it consume your marriage, the harder it will be to connect after the kids are gone. (I’m speaking from other couples’ experience, of course. I still have a ways to go!) There is so much more to you – both as individuals and as a couple – than the kids, and the following conversation starters for spouses will help you reconnect with those important parts.
Book Recommendation: Great Parents, Lousy Lovers: Discover How to Enjoy Life with Your Spouse While Raising Your Kids
50 Conversations Starters for Spouses (That AREN’T About the Kids)
Having kids changes a marriage in pretty significant ways. While that’s not (necessarily) a bad thing, it does mean you have to be extra-intentional about connecting as a couple to protect your partnership. One of the ways to do that is to talk often about topics other than the kids. Use the following conversation starters for spouses to reconnect and rekindle your marriage.
**Important note: Use this list however you want, in whatever way works best for YOU. Ask them verbatim, or use them as a conversational springboard for your own questions. Go in order, or skip around. Ask several in one date night, or ask one or two each day. (If you’re a talker – like me – married to an introvert – like my husband – just make sure you stop when your spouse’s eyes start to glaze over. 😉) The point is, there are no rules!
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Questions About Your Spouse
- Tell me something interesting about your day.
- Do you like your job at the moment? Why or why not?
- What is your biggest frustration in life right now? Is there anything I can do to help?
- What’s one thing you do when you’re feeling stressed?
- What have you been learning lately?
- What book have you been reading? Tell me about it.
- What is your favorite thing to do outside of work and family?
- Where would you like to go on our next vacation?
- What adventure would you like to have?
- What is one thing you’ve always wanted to try and never have?
- What do you consider to be your biggest achievement in life?
- Do you have any regrets in life? Tell me about them.
Questions About You
- What did you first notice and/or admire about me?
- What’s your favorite thing to do with me?
- What are your favorite qualities of mine and why?
- How/when do I make you feel loved?
- What do I (or don’t I) do that makes you feel appreciated?
- What is your favorite thing I do for you?
- Is there anything I used to do that you loved that I don’t do anymore?
- What do I do that hurts you – unintentionally or otherwise?
- What’s the main thing you need from me?
- How can I be a better husband/wife to you?
- If I could do one thing every single day to make your life easier/happier, what would it be?
Questions About Money/Finances
- What are your thoughts on our current financial situation and how does it make you feel?
- What are your financial goals for us?
- What does “enough money” look like to you?
- If you could change one thing about our finances, what would it be?
- Who taught you about managing money, and what are some of the biggest lessons you learned?
- What do you think we could change/modify in our budget?
- When would you like to retire?
- What would you like to do after you retire?
Questions About Your Marriage
- What were your hopes and dreams for us as a couple when we first got married?
- Are we achieving those dreams? If so, how? If not, how could we recommit to pursuing them?
- What are our values as a couple?
- What’s one thing about your parent’s relationship that you admire?
- Do you think we’re a good team? How could we be a better one?
- What do you think we need to work on most in our marriage?
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Questions About Romance
- What does romance look like to you?
- How has romance changed in our relationship since we’ve been married? Since we’ve had kids?
- Do you prefer occasional grand romantic gestures or frequent smaller romantic gestures?
- How do you think we could include romance in our daily lives?
Questions About the Future
- What are your top three goals for the coming year?
- Tell me about some of your hopes and dreams for the future.
- How could I better support your dreams?
- If you could be anything/do anything, what would you be/do?
- What excites you the most about our future?
Get this Couples Bucket List Journal: Create Your Dream Life Together and Record Your Adventures
Just For Fun Questions
- If you had an “extra” $10,000, what would you do with it?
- What was your favorite part of our wedding day?
- If you could choose my outfit for a day, what would you choose?
- What’s one thing you would love to go back and tell your teenage self?
SHARE WITH US: What are some of your favorite conversation starters for spouses that aren’t about the kids? Share them in the comments below!
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Debbie Greene says
It might be nice to put these “conversation starters” on some kind of cards and make it into a game of some kind.
Lisa Mullen says
What a fun idea!! I just might have to do that! 🙂