The Merry Momma

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10 Tips for Discussing Books With Your Kids (& 5 Things to Avoid!)

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Do you want to talk to your kids about the books they’re reading in a way that shows your interest, invites discussion, deepens your kids’ experience with a book, AND feeds their excitement to read more?? Check out these 10 tips for discussing books with kids… as well as 5 conversation-stoppers to avoid.

10 Tips for Discussing Books With Your Kids (& 5 Things to Avoid!) | The Merry Momma

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As a parent, do you want to:

  • Encourage a love of reading in your kids?
  • Develop their critical thinking skills?
  • Bond with them over books?

What parent wouldn’t, right?? While there are MANY ways to accomplish those objectives, one way to meet all three at once is to talk to your kids about the books they’re reading.

Recommended Resource:
How to Raise a Reader, by Pamela Paul & Maria Russo

Let me clarify: I am NOT talking about “quizzing” your kids to make sure they actually read the book. Please, please, PLEASE do not do that. I’m also not talking about making them give you some kind of oral book report. Please don’t do that, either. Both of those will more than likely squelch their love of reading rather than nurture it.

What I am talking about is engaging them in meaningful conversation that shows your interest, invites discussion, deepens your kids’ experience with a book, and feeds their excitement to read more. Below are 10 tips for discussing books with kids… as well as 5 conversation-stoppers to avoid.




Dos and Don’ts of Discussing Books With Kids

First, let’s talk about some general dos and don’ts. While these aren’t hard and fast “rules,” as every kid is unique and responds differently to various approaches, here are a few basic suggestions for encouraging communication rather than clamming kids up.

Do:

  • Time it wisely. Look for times when your kids are relaxed, available, and in the mood to talk. As much as possible, try to let your conversations about books arise organically.
  • Follow their lead. Let your child direct the conversation. Be willing to drop a question that’s not eliciting much response, and end the conversation when you sense they’re ready to be done.
  • Use questions and prompts sparingly. The ten tips below are full of potential questions to give you ideas and inspiration. DO NOT USE THEM ALL IN ONE SITTING! Do not even use several of them in one sitting! Use one or two and then let the conversation flow wherever your child takes it.
  • Give them time to think. A bit of silence is ok – it’s good, in fact! It likely means your child is giving the question some thought. Don’t be too quick to rush on to the next question or topic.
  • Let them do most of the talking. This is a good rule of thumb for ANY conversation with kids, and one I’m always working to improve on, myself!

Don’t:

  • Force a conversation. Talking about books should always feel like an invitation, not a requirement. If your child is not into it, let it go and try again another time. Once they see you’re not going to force it, they’ll likely start to open up more.
  • “Rapid-fire” your questions. As mentioned above, these conversations shouldn’t feel like a quiz or interrogation. They also shouldn’t exhaust your kids. A good way to keep that from happening is to limit yourself to one or (maybe) two questions per sitting.
  • Commandeer the conversation. On that note, after asking an initial question to get the ball rolling, let your child steer the conversation from there. Follow their lead, and enjoy the journey!
  • Persist with a question that’s not “working.” All the questions and prompts below are simply suggestions to help foster meaningful conversations with kids about the books they’re reading. The conversation is the whole point, so if a certain question isn’t getting much response, let it go and try another avenue!
  • Critique their responses. Nothing shuts a conversation with kids (or anyone, really!) quicker than judgment and criticism. Opening up a mind and heart to someone requires no small amount of trust that it will be “safe” to do so. If you want your kids to keep talking to you about the books they’re reading, refrain from any kind of value judgments, arguments, or critiques.

Recommended Resource:
Deconstructing Penguins: Parents, Kids, and the Bond of Reading, by Lawrence Goldstone

10 Tips for Discussing Books With Kids

Keeping the above guidelines in mind, engage your budding readers in meaningful conversations with the following tips for discussing books with kids. Note: while some are better-suited for asking in the process of reading a book and others are better for after completion, most can be adapted for either timing.

  1. Ask open-ended questions. Asking whether your child like(d) a book is a great place to start, but to dig deeper, try questions that require more thought, such as:
    • “What was your favorite part of the book?”
    • “Who is your favorite character and what do you like about them?”
    • “What do you think might happen next?”
  2. Discuss the plot. Help kids explore the story by asking questions like:
    • “Tell me about one of the problems in the book. How was it resolved?”
    • “Were there any surprising twists? Did you see them coming at all?”
    • “How do you think the story could have ended differently?”
    • “Would you have written any of it differently if you were the author?”
  3. Connect the story to their lives. Relate elements of the story to their own experiences. For example:
    • “Which character did you relate to the most?”
    • “Have you ever been in a situation similar to one any of the characters faced? How did you handle the problem differently (or how do you wish you would have handled it)?”
    • “Would you want any parts of this book to happen to you in real life? [If yes] Which ones? [If no] Why not?”
    • “What other book(s) did this book remind you of?”
  4. Explore themes and messages. Discuss the larger themes or messages of the book. This can be difficult for kids, so only explore this line of questioning if your child is ready for it. You may need to guide younger/less experienced readers with questions such as:
    • “What do you think the main character(s) learned?”
    • “Did the characters ever have to make a tough choice? What was it?”
    • “What parts of the story reminded you of real life?”
    • “How did the book make you think about…?”
  5. Encourage predictions and opinions. Encourage kids to think ahead in the story or reflect on their own views.
    • (If currently reading) “What do you think will happen next?”
    • (If finished) “How might the story continue after the book’s ending?”
    • “Do you agree with the choices the characters made? Why or why not?”
    • “How do you feel after reading this book?”
  6. Use creative prompts. Make the conversation fun and creative with the following prompts:
    • “If you could write a sequel to this book, what would happen in it?”
    • “How might the book change if it had aspects of a different genre (e.g. fantasy in a historical fiction or mystery in an action/adventure)?”
    • “What would you want to say to the author if he/she were here right now?”
    • “Imagine if a character from another book were in this one. Who would be an interesting addition, and how would they change the story?”
  7. Discuss illustrations and design. For picture books or graphic novels, discuss the artwork with your kids.
    • “What did you like about the illustrations/designs in this book?”
    • “How did the illustrations help you understand the story better?”
    • “Did the illustrations match the pictures you created in your mind as you read/listened to the story?”
  8. Share your thoughts. Offer your own insights or experiences with similar books (or the same book – I love reading the same books as my independent reader and “comparing notes”!). Make sure, however, to focus on their thoughts and perspectives and refrain from monopolizing the conversation. Possible prompts include:
    • “That reminds me of a book I read when I was your age called [title].” Briefly describe the aspect of the book that seems similar. “Does that sound at all like the book you just read?”
    • “I read a similar book once called [title], and it made me feel… Did this book make you feel that way?”
    • (If you’ve also read the book you’re discussing) “My favorite/least favorite thing about that book was… What did you think about that?”
  9. Be enthusiastic and supportive. Show genuine interest and enthusiasm for their reading choices (even if you don’t love them 😉). Your positive reinforcement will encourage them to keep sharing their thoughts and feelings with you… AND to keep reading!
  10. Follow up. Talking about a book with kids doesn’t have to end with a single conversation. Keep it going by following up on what you discuss. If they mention another book they’re interested in, encourage them to write it down on their TBR list, and then look into getting a copy. If they express curiosity about something, follow up with another discussion about it at a later time.

Discussing books with kids in these ways will foster fun and meaningful book talks. Having these conversations on a regular basis will hone their critical thinking skills, nurture a deep love for reading, and provide rich opportunities to bond with your kids over books.

Tools for Raising Readers:

 

 

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