5 Stay-At-Home-Mom Myths I Busted This Year

In my first year as a full-time stay-at-home-mom, I busted five common SAHM myths. Here are the valuable lessons I learned.

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We made it a full year! This time last year, I made the move from working part-time to staying home full-time. It was not something I ever thought I would do (much less love), but here we are, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. As with so many other things in my life, God had better plans for me than I had for myself.

It has been quite the year of settling into a groove as a SAHM (especially since I’m also working on a business AND we welcomed our third baby in the midst of it).

While I thought I knew what the SAHM life would be like since I had already been doing it part-time, it’s a whole ‘nother ballgame when you’re home all day every day.

And I learned a few lessons (some of them quite humbling) that turned my previously-held beliefs on their head.

Those of you who are SAHMs will nod your heads and smile, knowing already the truths that were a revelation to me.

And those of you who aren’t, I hope you will keep reading so that you might get a glimpse into the life of your SAHM sisters and (hopefully) avoid some of the false assumptions and judgments I’m ashamed to say I used to make.

READ THIS FIRST

**IMPORTANT! However, I want to be clear about two things:

First, my story of how God led me to stay home with my kids is just that — my story. I have never said and will never say that all moms are called to be stay-at-home-moms. I do not believe that to be true. That has not changed just because I now stay at home.

And I will continue to shout from the rooftops that you can be a good mom and work outside the home. God has unique plans and purposes for each of us, and He will equip us to raise our children however and wherever He leads us. As long as we’re obeying God’s direction, we can’t go wrong.

Secondly, this post is NOT about whether it’s harder to be a SAHM or a working mom. I have an entire post on that subject, so if you’re interested in my thoughts on that, you can read them there.

Now that we’re on the same page, let’s talk about some of the myths I’ve busted in this past year of being a SAHM.

Myth #1: Being a Stay-At-Home-Mom is easy

No dipping our toes in this post! I’m just going to dive right in with one of the preconceived notions I’m most ashamed to admit I once held — that being a stay-at-home-mom was easy.

I mean, you don’t have to go to work, you get to stay home all day, and you don’t even have to change out of your jammies if you don’t want to. You can just sit on the couch and read a book all day. Eating bon bons.

Right?

Ummm, yeah. No.

Sure, there may be some SAHMs who don’t do much all day… just like there are working men and women who don’t do much all day. Slackers are slackers, regardless of their location or employment status.

But I have learned that taking care of the kids full-time is H-A-R-D. It’s physically demanding, emotionally draining, and don’t even get me started on the toll it takes on my mental energy. Some days I worry that I might honest to goodness lose my mind.

Yes, it’s all worth it, and yes, I love it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t be honest and say that I finish most days exhausted and spent.

Being a stay-at-home-mom is wonderful and rewarding… but it definitely ain’t easy.

Myth #2: Stay-At-Home-Moms should have clean homes.

Let’s just keep rolling with my “judgments I’m ashamed to admit,” shall we?

And confession #2 is that I did not understand why SAHMs wouldn’t have clean (or at least tidy) homes. They’re home all day, so why wouldn’t they have clean homes??

Uh, well. Because the kids are home, too. Flying around the house like little tiny tornadoes, undoing everything you’ve just done and leaving a path of destruction in their wake.

Turns out, it is entirely possible to spend all day cleaning and still not have anything to show for it by the end of the day. (Trust me. I know.)

Side note: If you struggle (as I do) in the housekeeping department, I highly recommend the book, The House That Cleans Itself!

Myth #3: I’ll have so much time to get stuff done

When I made the move to stay home full-time, I thought, “Oh, I’ll have so much time now to get stuff done!”

Oh, Lisa. Sweet, naive Lisa. You should have known better.

Even as a part-time SAHM, I never seemed to get as much done as I thought I could.

Why? Because once again, yes, I’m home… but so are the kids. Which means a lot of my time is spent changing diapers, fixing meals, settling squabbles, cleaning up, etc., etc.

Not to mention all the school drop-offs and pick-ups, errands, grocery runs, and doctor appointments that eat into our day.

Plus… I want to devote time each day to teaching, training, and instructing them AND playing with them. That is why I became a SAHM, after all.

So, no, there’s actually not as much extra time as I’d once thought or hoped. But that’s okay. Being a SAHM, it turns out, involves a whole lot of trying to figure out the balance between fulfilling responsibilities and investing in my ultimate responsibility.

Myth #4: Stay-at-home-moms are better moms

This myth is a little different than the others in that it’s not one I personally believed. But it is one that I hear a lot (if not overtly, then heavily implied) in certain circles.

And to a certain extent, once we made the decision for me to stay home, I thought I would automatically be better at certain aspects of motherhood, too. I would be better about teaching them, training them, and instilling values. I’d even be better about playing with them. Simply because I’d be with them all the time.

But I’ve learned that having more time and opportunities is not a surefire recipe for better mothering. Whether you work outside the home or stay at home, good mothering requires intentionality. Lots of it.

It’s very easy as a SAHM to fill my days with chores and activities. And as a work-from-home mom, it’s even more tempting to fill my day with business “hustle.” My mere presence at home doesn’t always mean I’m actually being present with my kids. In fact, I see many working moms who do more with their kids on evenings and weekends than I do being with them 24/7!

There’s also the honest truth that I have a LOT more opportunities to lose my patience with my kids as a stay-at-home-mom, and it’s very easy to slip into frustrated, cranky mom mode. So, I have to work harder than ever to stay positive, kind, and joyful.

The moral of the story is this: being a stay-at-home-mom doesn’t necessarily make you a better mom. Being intentional (wherever you are) about being a better mom makes you a better mom.

Myth #5: I could never feel fulfilled as a stay-at-home-mom

This is the final stay-at-home-mom myth I busted this year, and it was a doozy for me.

I talk about it more in this post, but for YEARS, I did not think I could feel fulfilled as a SAHM. I had plans, man. I had goals. I was going to do something important, dang it.

I didn’t realize that raising my children was one of the most important things I could do.

It took nothing short of a revelation from God to change my heart, but change it He did. First, I had to open my eyes to the beauty and value of motherhood. And then I had to open my hands, releasing the hold I had on my own plans and trusting God enough to embrace His.

And it turns out that being a mother is hands down the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.

That’s not to say that other jobs aren’t fulfilling. They are. And being a mother isn’t the only great thing that a woman can or will do with her life.

But you know what I’ve learned about fulfillment this year? It doesn’t come from prestigious careers, lofty goals, or impressive resumes. It comes from going where God asks me to go, doing what He asks me to do, and walking out His plan for my life.