A couple weeks ago, Levon and I went away for the weekend – kid-free! We enjoyed a wonderful time of fun, relaxation, and connection. One of my favorite things about the trip was that I didn’t do any blog work or get on social media at all! It was great! Not only did I get to spend lots of quality time with my husband, but I had hours to do what I’ve been dying to do more of lately – read!! Today I want to tell you about my favorite book I read that weekend – Mother & Son: The Respect Effect, by Emerson Eggerichs. This was a highly informative book for me, and one I would quickly recommend to all moms with sons!
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What is it About?
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs is the New York Times bestselling author of Love & Respect, a book that I highly recommend for any couple! In that book, he shows how men’s need for respect and women’s need for love affect our relationships. This revelation has helped my marriage tremendously and has transformed millions of others.
In Mother and Son: The Respect Effect, he applies the same principles to the mother/son relationship. After all, he says, boys are just young men. If your husband needs to feel respected, then isn’t it logical that your son craves the same thing? Dr. Eggerichs convincingly shows mothers that while it comes quite naturally (for most of us) to show love to our sons – our babies! – we need to put forth intentional effort to ensure we are also showing them the respect they need for a positive mother-son relationship.
Throughout the book, Dr. Eggerichs uses the acronym G.U.I.D.E.S. (Give, Understand, Instruct, Discipline, Encourage, and Supplicate) to help us learn and apply Respect Talk to affirm the six desires he says God “crafted and grafted” in our sons: Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationships, and Sexuality. (Those who have read Love & Respect will recognize those C.H.A.I.R.S. desires.)
Would I Recommend Mother & Son?
You bet! I learned SO much from this book, and I’m thankful that I was exposed to it early in Aidan’s life.
Like I said, I had read (and loved) Love & Respect, and I have seen its truths in my relationship with my husband. Even so, for some reason it had not occurred to me that the same desires and need for respect would be found in my son as a child. Dr. Eggerichs was right that love talk comes naturally to me. I don’t even have to think about showering Aidan with love. Showing him respect, however, is a different story. I am sure that had I not read this book, I would have inadvertently disrespected him as he aged, and our relationship would have suffered for it.
Fortunately, I did read the book! It has now armed me with great information about his needs and practical ideas for how to meet them. This book was very well laid out in how it introduced and explained each of the six needs and then gave concrete illustrations of how mothers either disrespect that need or embrace it with Respect Talk. You won’t have any trouble following his ideas, nor will you be scratching your head wondering how to apply them.
This is not a book of simple common sense parenting tips. Dr. Eggerichs presents conclusions I’m sure I would not have come to on my own, at least not without many, MANY battles between me and my sons. And I’m so grateful for the examples of Respect Talk, because without them, I’m sure I would not naturally know how to speak to them in ways that communicate respect.
“Sarah and I learned at a certain point that our sons did not cause our anger and disrespect. We now teach: “My response is my responsibility.” In other words, the boys revealed our decision to be bad-tempered and rude. My boys did not cause me to be the way I was but revealed the true me.” (Page 198, Mother & Son)
Even at two years old, I can already see some of the CHAIRS desires emerging in my son, and I am so thankful that I was exposed to the teaching in this book as early as I was.
If you’ve been locked in power struggles with your son, frustrated by his attitude, aloofness, or disrespect, or if you simply want to nip this problem in the bud, then you will want to read Mother and Son! Let Dr. Eggerichs show you how to give your son the respect he craves, how to get respect from him in return, and how to make your relationship stronger and closer than ever!
If you enjoyed this review, read about some of my other books for moms!
- The SuperMom Myth: Conquering the Dirty Villains of Motherhood
- Hands Free Mama
- My Top 5 Favorite Books for Women
- Keep It Shut
- Say Goodbye to Survival Mode